


At least I have Our Memories

by ghosthargrove



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, M/M, Ouch, i cried a lil writing this tbh, this hurt me so bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-09-05 18:10:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20277598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghosthargrove/pseuds/ghosthargrove
Summary: I am so sorry





	At least I have Our Memories

Billy Hargrove was actually fucking dead. 

And here Steve was, watching the funeral, standing at a grave that didn't belong in the cemetery, with tears running down his cheeks and no feeling in his chest. He wanted to sob harder than he was allowing himself- but being in front of people, especially the kids, he held himself together a little bit. Almost as if he was just taping his breaking heart together, almost as if he was desperately squeezing his chest so he didn't combust. 

The funeral passed and so did the little gathering after in a blur, so fast that Steve found himself back at the grave that night, and just sat at it. Admired the gravestone through tears that wouldn't stop, and hugged his knees to his chest when the real sobs started. Someone came up beside him, knelt next to him, pulled him into their chest- he didn't really realize who it was, he just caved and sobbed into their shoulder. It was Karen Wheeler, who was driving home from the little gathering and saw him there, and didn't want to just leave him be. Mom instincts or something like that.

Once Steve's throat was raw and aching and his chest just felt empty, he leaned away from her, wiping his eyes and sniffling hard. She shifted beside him, looking at the stone as well, he heard her let out a soft sigh. "Steve, can I ask you something?" She asked quietly, and he nodded, studying Billy's name, carved into the stone, over and over again. 

"What was he to you?" Karen asks, turning her bright though sad eyes to him, and he closes his own. Feels another rip go through his ribcage. "Well, during the day, we were rivals," he says, clearing his throat in attempt to stop another wave of tears. 

"And during the night?"

"During the night, he was the love of my life."

Steve's voice breaks a little again before he can finish the sentence, and Karen pulls him into another hug, petting his back softly. "I'm so sorry, Steve, is there anything I can do?" God, Nancy and Mike were so lucky to have her as a mom. He shrugged, letting her hold him as he sat there shivering and sniffing, attempting not to get more tears on her soft sweater than he already had. "Here, why don't you tell me some of your favorite things about him. It might not help the feeling, but it might help you stop crying for a little bit," she offers as he sits up again, nodding a little.

"Some of my favorite things about him.. god, shit. Where do I start, Karen?" Steve says softly, closing his eyes. "Anywhere," she tells him, taking his hands in hers and rubbing the pad of her thumbs over his knuckles to soothe him, and he sniffs as he goes to speak again. "The way his eyes looked like the waves he'd tell me about. How his voice sounded on early mornings or very late at night. The way he looked when he was relaxed, completely unguarded, and didn't know I was looking. How he'd grin around a cigarette and the way he looked when he tried on my Scoops outfit once- that was before everything happened." He trails off for a moment, swallowing the growing lump in his throat. 

That memory is one of his favorites, seeing Billy in his Scoops outfit. It was the tiniest bit too small, so his stomach showed, and god he looked stupidly dorky in it. Completely wasn't his style. And he teased him relentlessly about it, especially once he forced the hat onto his curls- god it was a sight to see. Everything started not long after that.. god he got lucky catching that view that time. 

"The way he held me if I got nightmares too, and all of the nicknames.. god he had so many.." Steve continued, smiling despite the trail of tears left behind on his cheeks.  _ Pretty boy. Princess. Angel. Baby. His favorite teddy bear. Sunshine. The King of his Heart. _

_ "Maybe you aren't king of Hawkins High anymore, Harrington- but at least you can say you're still King of  _ ** _something_ ** _ ." _

_ "Oh yeah? And what's that, Hargrove?" _

_ "The King of my heart."  _

Steve smiled even brighter at that, remembering how Billy looked in the driver's seat of his Camaro when he said that; leaned back with a cigarette between his lips and one hand on the steering wheel. He made Billy pull over that day so he could make out with him the moment he said it, even though it hadn't lasted a long time. When he opens his eyes, Karen is just looking at him, a soft smile on her face. "Does it feel better?" She asks, and he realizes how she's still holding his hands. "Yeah- yeah it does. Thanks Karen, it.. it means a lot. I didn't know I needed to do that," he says with a sigh, wiping his eyes again. He knows he'll probably cry again later when his bed is empty and all he has is all of the clothes Billy left behind in his drawers, but.. for now, this is nice. 

Karen gives him a big hug and tells him if he ever needs anything to give her a call, which he agrees to before saying goodbye to the grave and returning to his BMW. For a moment, he thinks about finding Billy's car and taking it somewhere to fix it- but he didn't know if he could handle that right now. 

_ Just one thing at a time, Harrington.  _

_ Yeah, that sounds about right. _

**Author's Note:**

> Hi yes I did break my own heart writing this, and no I don't want to think about it again but I had to get this damn idea out of my head 😭! thanks to a damn text post on tumblr by mystrade-lecroft


End file.
